Trigger warnings: child abuse “I could fight this, but I may die. And all I want is [to] be the apple in your eye Well I could stay here, strap on my face Listen to the words that put me in my place.” –Pendulum I was a curious child. I…Continue Reading
Author: cynthiajeub
How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 1
“Do not look down Or the abysmal beast of non-conformity Might stare some unpleasant truth Into your desensitized mind.” -Meshuggah It was in April 2014 that I read an article on Homeschoolers Anonymous by Sarah Henderson entitled, “Oh daughters of fundamentalism, take upon yourselves the cloak of self-deception.” I read…Continue Reading
‘We Didn’t Kick You Out.’
“Easy for a good girl to go bad And once we gone Best believe we’ve gone forever Don’t be the reason Don’t be the reason You better learn how to treat us right.” -Rihanna Want to know what it’s like to be a Jeub? If you check my dad’s Facebook,…Continue Reading
Why Mom Never Told Us
Trigger warning: physical abuse, self-harm “We are thrown away in the house you made of every stolen moment. Don’t pretend, I know how this ends, and who you are in secret.” -Blue Stahli When I read Libby Anne’s article, “Then why didn’t you tell us that, mom?” it resonated with me.…Continue Reading
Why Does This Have to be Public?
A lot of people are asking me why everything I’m saying must be public. Why not just go to counseling, why not sort it out privately? We have tried. I’ll go into more detail later. In short, as my little sister explained it today: “mom and dad believe the way…Continue Reading
The Breakthrough Moment
“How can I pretend that I don’t see What you hide so carelessly? …It’s not what it seems Not what you think No, I must be dreaming… Help, you know I’ve got to tell someone Tell them what I know you’ve done I fear you…” –Evanescence I have blogged very little…Continue Reading
Melting Memory Masks
I wrote this post precisely one year after my parents kicked me out of my house. My dad had just called me at work to say that I couldn’t see my siblings anymore, or visit their house. I had nothing left to lose. Unfortunately, when my blog was lost, I…Continue Reading
Blessing the Child
This article was the penultimate post before I officially broke the news about my parents’ abuse. It is an emotional introduction to my goal in writing the series. -Repost note 3/20/18 The story goes like this. A man once grew old, and in his age, he also became ill. One…Continue Reading
Birthday Post 3: Feeling 22
Archive re-upload note: this was a sensitive time in my life, when I was caught between trying to stay on good terms with my parents for the sake of staying in my siblings’ lives, and unpacking some very real memories of trauma I’d been taught to ignore and minimize. because…Continue Reading
Thoughts on Being an Adult with Imaginary Friends (The Gilbert Post)
I wasn’t the type of kid who liked dolls or toys. I wanted everything to be as real as possible. Play-food annoyed me, because it looked tempting, but I couldn’t eat it. I spent time in the real kitchen at an early age because I wanted to experience what I…Continue Reading